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What Creates Sustainable Change?

This deadspace of time between holidays is ripe with potential for reflection and creation. It’s not just the approaching new year with fresh calendar pages to fill with lofty goals and favorable self-images. Our time with family, our attempts of creating and experiencing joy with our culture’s penultimate holiday allows us to consider how we might be or do better the next time around. Also, that feeling of “done” that comes with tossing that last cardboard box into the recycle bin gives us that feeling of space for something new.

Browse the self-help section of the nearest bookstore and you’ll get varied opinions on what brings about sustainable life change. Do you first have to start thinking differently? Therapists who use a traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will say yes. Change the way you think to change the way you live. Look at the self-talk, explore your inner beliefs. A practice of noticing the words of your inner voice is a valuable way to begin making changes. (If you’re super interested in the power of the subconscious and making changes, you should make an appointment with Diane’s Hypnotherapy as a resource.)

You’ll also come across voices who advocate for making behavior-based changes even before you change the way you think. AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) reminds people to do the next right thing whether or not you want to as a way of creating the life you want. This is also the structure of the first testament of the Bible – practices and behaviors that shape the way you think. (If you’re interested in this idea, read A Year Of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. He’s not actually an Old Testament scholar, just a journalist with an experiment, but the story will take you there.)

I like to look at both of these approaches and examine both my beliefs and my behaviors when I want to create change. But I’ll tell you what really holds my feet to the ground as I create new paths:

Belonging.

A friend of mine just reminded me that our amygdala, the part of our brain which moderates our stress response (amongst other vital processes) is constantly asking the questions: Am I safe? and Do I matter?

Putting my story in the larger context is as vital as my body knowing I won’t be eaten by a bear. My nervous system, which feeds every other system of my being, needs to know that I matter, that I fit into a larger story. This sense of belonging feeds both what I believe and how I behave.

I know, I know, I know. We’re just a yoga studio. We’re just a room where you come to stretch, bend, lift, pulse, and breathe. You pay membership fees, you sign up for classes, you do the thing, you go home. AND.

And it’s all woven together. How you move, what you believe, and where you belong are knitted tightly together, here. I can’t stop with just letting your hamstrings loosen up. I won’t be true to yoga if I don’t also offer you a place to free your mind and be held in wholeness exactly as you are.

You don’t have to change anything about yourself to belong here. There. I said it. You don’t. You can remain exactly the same, believing the same thoughts, eating the same food, working the same job and living the same behaviors and there’s room for you here. Belonging is based neither on your beliefs or your behaviors. (Unless you count showing up as a behavior… being among us is a little bit necessary.)

If you’re like me, however, that sense of belonging is exactly what I need to remember that I am worth any effort to change my beliefs or my behavior. I can become an even better version of myself, not to live up to external standards, but because the relationships in my life give me the courage to do so.

2023 doesn’t need to be your “best year yet.” It might be one to survive, it might be one to forge a new path, it might be one to simply synthesize the changes of 2022. But know this: whatever the next year holds for you, we’re holding it with you. Grab a hand, we want you here among us.

Let’s Show up. Work hard. Shine bright. Love all.

Together.

Back in my church-work days, I went to a conference and heard Brian McClaren speak about something, but what really caught my ear was when he said: what if someone promised you that you would hear the voice of God in church this year, what would you do? Well, you’d show up and listen. You’d be there, week after week, expectantly listening. I’d venture to guess that you’d hear a divine message at least once, and that’s simply because you arrived ready to pay attention.

Part of gratitude, of seeing the things that are good, is the fundamental belief that the good things exist. And they exist for you.

Prior to my yoga life, thankfulness was simply something we did before the turkey was served, or the polite way of receiving a gift. Sometimes it was used to make me a little less bratty when I wanted more of something… be grateful for what you have.

As I’ve grown into my yoga practice, understanding that the real work is the noticing, I see how gratitude is the natural outflow. If we’re really paying attention, really noticing the divine magic hidden all around us and within us, gratitude becomes a bit easier. As we keep going, it even becomes more automatic. How can we help but feel anything but grateful when we experience a beautiful world full of gifts.

There’s a particular prayer that the Jewish people pray daily called the Shema (found in the Biblical book of Deuteronomy), a promise to love God and talk about God wherever they go. It’s followed by three verses: When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

I love this description: cities, houses, wells, vineyards that all exist and these people didn’t do a thing to earn them. Gifts for a flourishing life. I’ve been using these words to guide my gratitude every time I experience an unearned grace: trees I did not plant, turning gorgeous colors; music I hear but did not create; books and poetry I read that I did not write. Yet here I am, enjoying these gifts.

Unearned. For me.

I hope you’ll join us sometime this month to continue to practice our gratitude toward this big, beautiful, wonderful universe.

Show up. Work hard. Shine bright. Love all.
Give thanks.