Robin Wall Kimmerer, botanist and writer, begins every semester asking her up-and-coming environmentalists “Do you love nature?” and is regularly greeted by a room full of hands going up. And then she asks “Do you believe that nature loves you in return?” to which the response is not strong. These good-hearted students live in a one-way relationship to the earth, which fundamentally changes the nature of their work. Our ancient ancestors operated with a sense of being in a reciprocal relationship with their surroundings; whether they felt they were being rewarded by Mother Nature or punished by her, at least they were engaged in a constant conversation with her.
The world is getting much better at body acceptance: Do you love your body? And while we can often get at least part of the way there – that we love having a body, and even though we may not love the way our body looks on a particular day or in a specific style, we can acknowledge a baseline love.
But do you believe She loves you back?
One-sided relationships are challenging. (I mean, do you remember the Newborn Years?) We often forget that we live in relationship to our bodies. Psychotherapist Esther Perel notes that we often think in terms of machinery nowadays, and efficiency or maximization might be the language you more frequently use with your body. Perhaps you’ve been taught this pile of muscle and bones is here for “optimization.”
Except that our bodies aren’t machines, based off a zeros-and-ones algorithm. Our bodies are hosts of a complex web of relationships, which often comes with paradox and tension. The push-pull of strength and flexibility, taking in and letting out that happens within a body is not easily reduced to if/then statements that engineers and programmers prefer.
What if you began to believe that in your relationship to your body, your body loves you back? Hold the tension that comes with normal human relationships: she might love you in ways that aren’t how you asked to be loved. Like a romantic partner, sometimes she might not do everything you say you want to happen. But getting everything you want isn’t a reflection of love, it’s a reflection of control.
Our bodies have ways of loving us that might fit outside of our romantic expectations. Your body cares for you with it eliminates the toxins of digestion instead of asking you to carry around poison. Your body cherishes you when it slows you down your abilities to think clearly at night, reminding you that you need sleep. Your body provides you reminders of boundaries with aches and pains so that you won’t continue to carry loads that will take you beyond normal wear and tear of your structure. Your body treats you when it makes chocolate and cheeseburgers and garden mulch taste distinctly different – and thanks to the heavens that it all doesn’t taste like garden mulch!
Our bodies are not problems to be solved but home to multiple complex relationships. We get to decide how to manage, maintain and improve these relationships, and past experience tells me that we do that by how we spend our time and energy – including thought energy. I’m hopeful that we can at least begin to think and receive indications of love from living in and with a body.
Peace, my friends. We keep at it. Show up, Work hard, Shine bright and Love all.
Meta Strength
