The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: Yoga Book Club
6:30 PM Sundays beginning March 3
The beautiful thing about taking on too much is how it reflects back to you the places where you can grow. This past year my opportunities to learn have been presented to me in abundance. One of my biggest lessons – and I’m still quite early in the learning process – is dealing with disappointment. What does it mean when things don’t go as planned?
My friend who is also a professional counselor says regularly “all disappointment is rooted in unmet expectations.” The adage being: lower your expectations. I can definitely see room for that in my life (specifically as it relates to my hopes for how my children will clean the house).
But also: no. I don’t want less from life and you’ll never find what you’re not looking for. I remember hearing a seminar once where a pastor-type said “what if I told you that on this day when you went to church, you would hear God’s voice? Well, you’d show up and listen.” I’ve found this to be true: when you pay attention, you’ll find what you’re looking for. I don’t want to become a person that simply expects nothing and looks for nothing.
I want to be the type of person who expects goodness and revels in beauty anywhere it’s found. I know this world has so much to offer, I don’t want to let it off the hook with mediocrity. I think there’s more to be found.
In this moment, I’m exploring the idea of managing expectations without lowering standards. I’m striving to allow circumstances in my life – relationships, roles, experiences – that hold the potential to disappoint or delight me. This tension requires me to acknowledge that not all disappointment is rooted in my own value or worth. Just because I’m being let down doesn’t mean I did or did not try hard enough.
Instead, I’m leaning into my gifts of seeking big and beautiful things while not taking it personal. The teachings say, “[God] makes [the] sun rise on people whether they are good or evil. [God] lets rain fall on them whether they are just or unjust.” I don’t have to find blame, throw shame or even find a reason. But I can adjust my expectations for myself and how I can handle all situations.
My time on my mat shows me this ALL. THE. TIME. When a hip flexor prevents me from finding a lunge that I know will help me release. When my flow feels encumbered by my raggedy breath. Sometimes things don’t go as expected, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong, bad, and tragically flawed. I just keep returning to the mat, to the practice to discover what I can find that reminds me of all that I know that is good. (Honestly, how have I avoided this life lesson after all these years of yoga?)
If this concept is new to you, or if you’re like me and it takes a lot longer to learn, this is the invitation to join me in doing the work. I’ll be leading a Yoga Book Club this spring using The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler. Rather than treating me like I’m broken for desiring good things, the author invites me to practice holding the tension without giving up on hope. It will be a spring cleaning of letting things go – specifically my expectations of controlling my way to perfection.
If you’re interested in exploring this topic with the support of other driven and intelligent women, join us for this 4-week series.
4 weeks of yoga, discussion, journal prompts and support: $48. Register by Feb. 18 and save $5!
